We often tell one another: “As long as we are grateful, we are happy.” This is a beautiful truth. Gratitude teaches us to cherish a warm morning or a companion’s smile. Yet, in the bustling rush of daily life, there is another naked truth we must face: life does not just offer sweet moments to appreciate; it is also full of friction, hurt, and afflictions.

Have you ever wondered why a thoughtless word from a colleague, a selfish act by a loved one, or a past mistake of our own… happened in just a few fleeting seconds, yet can haunt us and steal our joy for months or even years? The answer lies here: We have unknowingly lost our capacity to forgive. And when we close the door of tolerance, we inadvertently lock ourselves out of the path to happiness.

Looking at the broader world, what do we see? In endless wars, factions always use propaganda and media to incite people to hate and despise the opposing side. They turn the adversary into an irreconcilable enemy. But if we strip away the political or ideological facade, what is the true nature of these wars? It is merely a scramble for resources—from land and oil to power and economic benefits. People borrow the name of justice to feed hatred, but the ultimate goal is always to satisfy humanity’s insatiable greed.

Ironically, this global mechanism of “choosing sides and destroying opponents” operates exactly the same way in our daily lives—be it in the workplace or within social relationships.

Perhaps many of us have experienced the agonizing pain of being targeted and undermined in our jobs. Out of jealousy, for their own livelihood, or to compete for a position or title, they were willing to isolate us, defame us, and push us into long periods of hardship and struggle. Those sleepless nights, those tears of frustration when our hard work was dismissed, and the heavy burden of financial anxiety on our shoulders… all of these turned into a deep wound. That wound was branded into our subconscious like a heavy shackle. Years later, even though we have changed jobs or found a better life, just a sudden recollection of that name in the dead of night can make our chest tighten with bitterness.

At that moment, when people tell us to “forgive,” it sounds so theoretical and detached from reality! How can one easily forgive someone who ruthlessly destroyed their livelihood and dignity?

During those fateful sleepless nights, when the shackles of the past tighten, the only way to save ourselves is to learn how to “dialogue with oneself.” Instead of letting the mind get swept away by revenge scenarios or resentment-filled questions like “Why did they treat me like this?”, sit down with your own pain in stillness. Place your hand on your heart, take a deep breath, and gently tell yourself: “I feel so much compassion for my self during those struggling years. You endured much injustice and were so tired. But that has passed; today you are safe here. Do not use someone else’s mistake to punish this body for another night.” This self-dialogue is not an escape, but a moment of embracing the wounded child within, soothing it with a love greater than hatred. We realize that staying awake all night to resent someone does not make them any less happy, but it strips away our own health and peace, drop by drop.

To truly begin, we must bravely look deep into the “anger” and “resentment” present within us to find their actual root cause. As we peel back each layer of hurt, we suddenly wake up to a liberating truth: The core reason for our suffering does not lie with any particular faction, person, or specific name out there. The real root cause is the “greed and ignorance” (delusion) of all sides—of the person who harmed us, and of our own selves at that time. They, out of greed for fame and profit, became ignorant and chose to harm us. And we, out of ignorance of the impermanent nature of life, clung tightly to personal expectations and trapped ourselves in their web of resentment. When this realization dawns, the heavy burden in our hearts naturally shatters into pieces.

Looking back at humanity’s great philosophical and spiritual traditions, this wisdom has never become obsolete. The Christian New Testament records the moving plea of Jesus on the Cross: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” He forgave because He saw through the ignorance and blindness of those who crucified Him. Meanwhile, the Buddha also taught: “Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal” (The Dhammapada). Buddhism points out that the root of all suffering is the three poisons: Greed, Anger, and Ignorance. The person who undermined us is actually a pitiful victim consumed by the flames of Greed and Ignorance.

Therefore, forgiveness is not a favor granted to the one who harmed us, nor is it pretending to forget. Forgiveness is an internal revolution. When we harbor hatred for the person who targeted us years ago, the one paying the price is not them—they might be happily enjoying their life somewhere—it is us. We are voluntarily drinking the poison of the past and letting it destroy the peace of our present.

To allow the seed of forgiveness to sprout on a soul ravaged by hurt, we need practical, real-life steps:

• Shift the focus from the “perpetrator” to the “nature of the act”: Instead of staring at the person who harmed you, look at the greed and ignorance that drove their actions. When you see that they are miserable because they are blindly led by greed, the anger in you will naturally subside.
• Forgive yourself first: Stop tormenting yourself over why you were weak back then, why you let people bully you, or why you chose the wrong environment. Embrace yourself during those difficult years and acknowledge that you were brave enough to walk through the storm.
• Stop feeding the “culture of hatred”: In a society where movies and social media constantly glorify trends like “an eye for an eye,” “exposed,” and “canceling,” choose to mute these negative noises. Do not choose sides, and do not nurture any vengeful energy in your mind.

Forgiveness is indeed incredibly difficult, but it is the only path to undoing the dark chains binding us to the past. When the shackles fall away, the desert of the human heart will naturally receive refreshing raindrops, and that is when true happiness finally returns.