1. What Has Become Clear

During the first days at the hermitage, I began to see something very basic—
something I had never truly seen before:

everything exists because of conditions.

A cup of tea is not just tea.
An emotion is not simply “my emotion.”
A heavy morning does not arise on its own.
A moment of irritation does not appear out of nowhere.

I began to see dependent arising in the cup of tea,
in emotions,
in the breath,
in every movement of the mind.

Then, on the seventh day, my teacher opened a very important doorway for me:
The Four Foundations of Mindfulness — Body, Feeling, Mind, Dhamma.

I realized:

• Whether my body is tight or relaxed — I had never truly seen it.

• Whether a feeling is pleasant or unpleasant — I often confused them.

• Whether my mind is bright or dull — I rarely paused to look.

• What dhamma is operating behind everything — I had never known.

The Four Foundations of Mindfulness are not a lesson.
They are a way home,
a way to observe myself in every moment.

I also began to see that naming pulls me away from the truth.
When I don’t name things, everything becomes more alive, closer, more real.

 

2. What Still Confuses Me

I still have the habit of running away from emotions.
When I’m sad, I want it to disappear.
When I’m worried, I want to understand quickly so I can escape it.
When I’m irritated, I react before I even recognize it.

I’m also not used to “just looking.”

My mind still wants to analyze, fix, and control.

And even though I know the Four Foundations,
I still struggle to distinguish:

• what is body,

• what is feeling,

• what is mind,

• what is dhamma.

Sometimes I see clearly,
and then I lose it again.

 

3. What I Want to Ask My Teacher

• How can I observe body–feeling–mind–dhamma without mixing them up?

• How can I look at an emotion without inserting the wish “it must go away”?

• How can I observe without analyzing?

• When I stop naming things, I see more deeply — but how do I sustain that in daily life?

• Sometimes I see clearly, then I lose it. Is that normal?

 

4. What I Want to Continue Cultivating

I want to return to the Four Foundations in every moment:

• Seeing how the body is.

• Seeing how the feeling is.

• Seeing how the mind is.

• Seeing what dhamma is operating.

I want to recognize emotions the moment they arise,
not after they’ve already carried me away.

I want to pause before reacting,
so I can see clearly what is moving inside me.

I want to live more slowly, breathe more deeply, look more carefully.

 

5. The Illuminating Sentence

“When I return to body – feeling – mind – dhamma, I return to myself.”