Một dòng thở nhẹ – Nhật ký Thiền

I am young.
And maybe because I’m young,
I always feel like I have to run.

No one tells me directly that I must run.
But everything around me whispers it.

My friends are running.
People online are running.
The successful are running.
Even those who fail are running.

And I…
I don’t know what else to do
except run along with them.

I run because I’m afraid of falling behind.
Afraid of being less.
Afraid of not being good enough, fast enough, impressive enough.

I run because I don’t know what I want.
But I know that if I stand still,
I’ll be left behind.

Some days, I open social media and see:

someone succeeding at twenty,
someone buying a house at twentyfive,
someone starting a company at eighteen,
someone traveling the world,
someone with the perfect body,
someone with the perfect partner.

I know it’s only part of the truth.
But I still feel like I’m losing.

I know I shouldn’t compare.
But I still compare.
I know I should live my own life.
But I don’t know what my life is supposed to be.

People ask me:

“What do you want for your future?”

I smile.
Not because I know.
But because I don’t know how to answer.

Once, I tried stopping.
I turned off social media.
No news.
No success stories.
No highlight reels of other people’s lives.

I thought I would feel lighter.

Instead, I felt empty.
So empty it scared me.

Because when I’m not running,
I have to face myself.
And I’m not sure I’m ready for that.

There are nights I lie in bed staring at the ceiling, asking:

“Why am I this tired?”
“Why can’t I stop?”
“Why don’t I know what I want?”

And I answer myself:

“Because I’m young.”
“Because I haven’t found my path.”
“Because I’m afraid of standing still.”

One afternoon, I sat in a café watching people pass by.
Everyone looked busy.
Everyone looked purposeful.
Everyone looked like they knew what they were doing.

I watched them and wondered:

“Maybe they’re just like me —
running because they don’t know what else to do.”

I don’t know.

But I know one thing:

I’m not running toward anything.
I’m running because I haven’t found my way yet.

And sometimes,
just having someone understand that
is enough to make me feel
a little less lost.